The Good Ol' Days.... =p

This mental institution used to be my workplace & the wackos, are ex-colleagues i call buddies. That's a re-enactment of our ritual induction program for new joiners. =p

*Note: no rear holes were violated in the making of this staged ritual, really

Random Vids: New way to order McDonald =)

Random Vids: The Famous Chicken Dance Off

Random Shots: WON A FREE TRIP!!!

From Miscellaneous

Spotted this hilariously creative warning sign in a computer shop while on window shopping spree this after noon. Got to love their engrish sense of humour don't it just cracks you up??! xp

Random Vids: tuts my barreh ~ *_*""

What does camel + gong li + bee gees + cock + tropical priest + norway + plankton ~ have in common?

i'm still having stomach cramps from laughing too hard from watching this video with my buddies while having a break at work earlier today... this is actually a *sic* karaoke rendition of Mariah Carey's 'Touch My Body' by a korean dude with horrendous engrish accent (parody bah)... click on it & watch, this is going to crack you up to the point where you don't know whether to laugh or to cry~!
* 'I know u love my cock' ~ !!??WTF!! it sounded so gay & wrong...

Random Shots: April Fool!

Stickman's hub got ambushed...

with his pride at stake,

he retaliated & ended up with a collateral damage...

humping accidents do happen at work =p

*meaningless post intended only for the select heehai few who understand*

The Interview

* with jobs getting scarcer by the day, some may have to resort to extreme measures like these... =p
* fwd mail courtesy of anna garcia. Chill out & have a good laugh! =D

Who wants a raise?

yet another funny forwarded mail that i need to share ~ injecting some kinky humor into the economic slowdown induced emo-ness spillover... =p

THE PENIS WANTS A RAISE

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

01. I do physical labor
02. I work at great depths

03. I plunge head first into everything I do

04. I do not get weekends off or public holidays

05. I work in a damp environment

06. I don't get paid overtime

07. I work in a dark workplace that has poor Ventilation

08. I work in high temperatures

09. My work exposes me to contagious diseases

******** REPLY ********

Dear Penis,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

01. You do not work 8 hours straight

02. You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods

03. You do not always follow the order s of the management team

04. You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other restricted areas

05. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working

06. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift

07. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing

08. You'll retire well before reaching 65

09. You're unable to work double shifts

10. You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work.

And, if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely,

The Management

*fwd mail courtesy of www.faithloveschocolate.blogspot.com

How to Reduce Cost in a Company (fwd)

now who's with me? =p
* fwd mail courtesy of www.gameniac.blogspot.com

Last Evacuation Drill (Fwd)

Don't evacuate?!?

GOOD ONE!!!!!!!!!!

In a large multinational company..............

A fire alarm rang at 4 PM in a large office when almost all employees were in office (approx 5000). As usual the entire office was evacuated within 3 mins & all employees gathered outside the office in the designated area waiting for further announcement.

The Security Officer in charge made the following announcement: "Dear employees - with sincere regret I have been asked to announce that for many of you it will be your last evacuation drill. Due to the recession the company is laying off almost 50% of its employees. So when this announcement finishes, I ask all of you to move back into the building and if your swipe card does not work then it means you have been laid off in which case you will not be allowed inside and all your belongings will be couriered to you by tomorrow.

The Company has used this innovative approach as we didn't want to fill up the email box with lay-off mails and good bye mails in thousands & also to avoid any fight inside the office and the consequent security issue for all staff.

Hope you have had a rewarding career with us and all the best ahead.

Please move back in & try your luck".

*Given the volatile nature of the industry i'm in, i wonder if this is going to happen.... xp

Random Shots: Flood or Not, the Tong-Tong-Chiang Must Go On

lOl =p ~! From a forwarded mail; it may be a little bit out of season to be posting this already, but this is too darn hilarous not to post.... heheh! Let's hope next year's CNY will not be as WET.

Chopping down the cherry tree - a Malaysian political version

~ by my trackbastard's bitching (courtesy of louis)

Just wanna share with you all an interesting mail forwarded by my fellow colleague.

“Legend has it that George Washington, America’s first president,chopped down a cherry tree in his youth. The story goes that Georgegives the tree a good swing and chops it down with an axe.His father sees the damaged tree and asks his son if he knows who did the deed.
George is quoted bravely admitting the truth:

‘I can’t tell a lie, Pa; you know I can’t tell a lie. I did cut it with my axe.’

Below is a satire of how some Malaysian politicians circa 2008 may have reacted to the question:

Abdullah Ahmad Badawi - ‘I did not cut down the tree , I was just taking a nap underneath it.

Najib Razak - ‘I swear that I have never MET that tree.’

Hishamuddin Hussein Onn- ‘…but I only own a keris ,not axe, how to cut down the tree?’

Dr Mahathir Mohamd - ‘Apa nama cherry tree, yes, I chopped it down because,
I don’t like the idea of Pak lah sleeping under it.’

Chua Soi Lek - ‘Yes it was me, I resign as caretaker of this orchard.’

VK Lingam - ‘It could be me, it might have been me but I don’t think its me.’

Anwar Ibrahim - ‘I did NOT do it, and I am not giving any DNA sample for you to plant on the axe handle.’

Mohd Khir Toyo - ‘The new state government should just trim the grass and not waste time asking who cut the tree.’

Ahmad Said (Terengganu MB) - ‘I chopped it because cherry trees are more expensive to maintain than durian trees.’

Azalina Othman - ‘The cherry tree is not included under my tourism MOU so I cut it down and besides there were unauthorised signboards put up around the tree.’

Shabery Cheek - ‘I challenge you to a debate on tree cutting.’

S Samy Velu - ‘I chopped it because Hindraf members were using it as a meeting point.

Wira Ali Rustam - ‘We have planted durian trees for 50 years and we will plant them for another 50 years, we do not need cheery trees, apple trees , pear trees
and all these other foreign trees.’

Rais Yatim - ‘You must see the bigger picture, Ahmad said cherry trees are expensive to maintain, Ali Rustam said that are against our national identity and I needed to test my new axe, so you see, it is a WIN-WIN situation all around.’

Sharir Samad - ‘I cut the tree because we could no longer afford to subsidise it.’

Karpal Singh - ‘The bigfoot creature did it.’

Bung Mokhtar - ‘The big monkey did it’

Pandikar Amin Mulia - ‘There is nothing in the standing orders against chopping cherry trees. Kinabatangan duduk, Bukit Gelugor duduk .

Khairy Jamaluddin - I did not do it, neither did the Mat Rempits. By the way, what’s a cherry tree?’

Lim Kit Siang - ‘Cherry tree also you don’t know, you are an insult to Oxford!’

Nazri Abdul Aziz - ‘Racist, racist, racist! When we cut down durian trees nobody made a fuss. Now…’

Malaysian Citizens - ‘Oh for heavens sake! Somebody plant something before we all starve to death!’

For certain section of the population - "Make sure what is due to us drop accurately on our opened palm, for if you miss you will be blamed ; and it shall be our birthright to receive and yours to give hence there is no shame to it ."

*This is just so freaking funny, i had to post it!! =p

Come to think of it ~ it has been 2 years, 6 months & 8 days since the inaugural post... over 2 years of blogging-ranting-crapping fun to remember by bits & pieces of the ups & downs of my sometimes colorful & sometimes not-so-colorful life, & also tributes to the dear peoples who have left profound positive indents in my life. =)
& I've yet to fill up my profile with a single word! photo header? theme? ~ BLANK! www.domain-13.blogspot.com? couldn't have sounded more uninspiring... i guess that's why it's appropriately called pieces of me.... too many scattered bits of pieces of me here & there... Okay... nevermind that.
A good buddy of mine is also in the midst of pondering over something along the same line for his blog... he's already got it on his workstation screensaver ~

cunn or not? =p
Just use it, brada! Yours will surely be a HIT!! haha! =D

*on fei-fei's "Your C@mera DO NOT M@tter" ~ very true indeed, i couldn't help but agree... though at this point, i'm already terminally affected with the SLR fever, to resist getting the toy for myself... thanks to persistently pesterings helpful inputs from your hubby, snoopy, louis, my nephiu, jen & loi-kiss.... =o

Black Monday Commercial Break ~ (fwd)
*boohoo my long awaited week-long vacation over in a blink of an eye ~ i'm back to having blue mondays at work... =( *

The Center for Disease Control (CDC) has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically.

This virus is called Weary Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues, or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely.

If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises. Take two good friends to the nearest store and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.

Just for Laughs (forwarded..)
No matter how many times i've seen this, i still never failed to burst out in laughter each time i read it... especially liked the last part... coz i've been getting it a lot. =p

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

____________ _________ _________

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

____________ _________ ________

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.

A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she

doesn't need.

____________ _________ ________

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she

gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until

he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money

than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such

a man.

____________ _________ ________

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand

him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her

a lot and not try to understand her at all.

____________ _________ _________

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do,

but married men are a lot more wil ling to die.

____________ _________ _________

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will

change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she

won't change, and she does.

____________ _________ ________

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the

beginning of a new argument.

____________ _________ ________

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT

GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings,

poking me in the ribs and cack ling , tel ling

me, 'You're next.' They stopped after I

started doing the same thing to them at

funerals.

Miss A Bit... (fwd)

i just love my colleagues for keeping me entertained at work... always resourceful & quick when it comes to sharing hilarious youtube post like this one... muahahaha! =D

Just reminded me of my ideal retirement plan... gone up in smoke. WTF ~ i should be singing this song!!

cha yi dian nia-nia... ?? apa la, miss kaw-kaw ah~! gone... my 19million ringgit dream... !!! *not a frequent 4D/Jackpot donor... but sometimes when the loot snowballs to a mind boggling figure... i just can't resist the urge to try my luck ~ it's time for charity ~ =p

Subjek: TAHUKAH ANDA (fwd..)

1. Tahukah anda apabila 350ml air yang diambil dari sinki dan kemudiannya dituangkan ke dalam cerek yang mengandungi 150ml air suling dan dibiarkan terdedah kepada nyalaan api bersuhu 100 darjah celcius akan menghasilkan satu cecair yang dinamakan air masak.

2. Percayakah anda yang air sirap merupakan salah satu bahan asas dalam pembinaan sebuah helikopter. Ini kerana kajian telah dibuat, seorang pembina helikopter memerlukan air sirap untuk menghilangkan keletihan semasa membuat helikopter, tanpa air sirap mungkin helikopter tersebut tidak dapat disiapkan.

3. Sebuah kereta yang dipandu selaju 220 km/j tidak akan dapat memotong kereta yang dipandu selaju 40km/j sekiranya kereta-kereta tersebut dipandu dari arah yang bertentangan

4. Tahukah Anda dalam bahasa Inggeris dan Italy , jurugambar dikenali sebagai paparazi. Perkataan itu dipercayai diambil dari watak paparazzo dalam filem La Dolce Vita yang diterbitkan oleh Federico Fellini pada tahun 1960. Dalam bahasa melayu pula, ayah kepada seorang budak yang bernama Razzi juga boleh dikenali dengan nama papa Razzi.

5. Tahukah Anda bendera negara Denmark telah dicipta 700 tahun lampau, menjadikan bendera paling lama digunakan di dunia lebih lama daripada penggunaan susu cap bendera.

6. Tahukah Anda magnet ialah sejenis logam yang juga digelar besi berani. Sebagaimana namanya magnet ialah besi yang berani menarik butir-butir besi lain kearahnya. Bagaimanapun orang yang diupah untuk menarik kereta bukanlah magnet.

7. Tahukah Anda cicak memutuskan ekornya apabila diganggu. Apabila cicak menyedari yang dia diekori oleh sesuatu, ia akan memutuskan ekornya supaya benda itu tidak mengekorinya lagi atas alasan tanpa ekor sudah tentu ia tidak akan diekori lagi.

8. Tahukan anda bahawa seorang manusia normal tidak boleh menyentuh telinganya sendiri menggunakan siku.

9. Tahukah Anda burung dapat pulang ke sarangnya walaupun telah keluar kadangkala hingga beribu kilometer daripada sarangnya tanpa sesat atau silap walaupun tanpa bantuan kompas. Ini kerana setiap sarang burung mempunyai alamatnya yang tersendiri sebenarnya.

10. Tahukah Anda bunyi perkataan lempeng dan tempeleng adalah hampir sama walaupun ia berbeza dari segi rupa bentuknya. Tapi, walaubagaimanapun orang yang kena tempeleng masih boleh memakan lempeng apabila dia berasa lapar.

11. Tahukah Anda gunung berapi yang berusia tiga ratus tahun disahkan masih aktif untuk meletup. Tapi mengikut kajian ahli gunung, api elektrik di rumah kita tidak akan aktif jika tidak membayar bilnya selama tiga bulan.

12. Tahukah Anda orang yang tidak pernah kisah langsung tentang wang ringgit, pangkat, kedudukan dan harta dunia ialah Orang Utan.

13. Tahukah Anda ahli sains seluruh dunia bersepakat jika nasi ayam dimakan sewaktu lapar, perut kita akan mengalami satu tindakbalas yang berupa kekenyangan. Nasi ayam juga boleh digunakan sebagai ubat untuk menggembirakan hati kita bila nasi ayam yang dimakan itu dibelanja oleh kawan kita.

14. Dan tahukah anda bahawa hamper kesemua pembaca buletin ini telah mencuba untuk menyentuh telinga menggunakan siku.

hehehehehhehehehehe eh....... ....Sentuhlah telinga korang ngan siku sampai ia kena.......Tak normallah korang maknanya


*this one's so damn wu liao... so absurd yet so hilarious ~ triggered a laughing exercise that kept me awake thru a mundane sunday afternoon in the fab. It sucks as usual to be working on a sunday... so keep those ridiculous mails coming! xD

IQ Question!!!! (fwd mail)

Imagine you are in Africa. You have been tied hanging on a tree with

a rope anchored on the ground, a candle is slowly burning the rope,

and the lion is waiting for you to drop and be his lunch.

Your survival hinges on the rope staying intact, there is no one

around to help you. What to do now .......... ??

Scroll down for answer...

Sing a Happy Birthday song!!

~ for the mundane mondays at work, heh!
am really dry of inspirations lately... this one would do just fine; as absurd as it may seem, it's had me laughing off the seat of my pants... hehe... =p

"I knew u're gonna blog about this" ~ Raya Edition

mrs. XXX's mom,

hav-no-idea-wad-is-your-address,

but-i-sure-know-where! =P 13 october 2007

ma’am,

The Stranger I Got to Know

the above matter refers.

2. fyi, I file for this complaint coz the stranger that I got to know some few months ago a.k.a. your son, on a raya morning, msg-ed me and woke me up from my VERY VERY d siokkk sleep, and had me UP liao… but ler, when I replied him, he goes m.i.a. on me (as usual)! Hmmmph!!! TOTALLY BO HIU WA LIAU! So bad! (but lucky I stil managed to pip til noon! Heheh). BUT! Me considering maybe he’s bz or out visiting or malas wanna layan me or wad wad, I chose not to bug him lor.

3. and, he ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS dun read my msg properly, and is ALWAYS so ‘laid-back’ (he said so) – seriously making me feel like i'm OVERLY-BUGGIN, most of the time! (but ler, the prob is – bo bug him oso kenot, wanna bug him oso gota take into consideration many many things! Hmmmph!)

4. so, ma’am, do you see how terribly bad your son is ‘treating’ me? Honestly, the most susah-to-handle guy I’ve ever encountered so far! TRUE! Never had any guy treated me soooo kejam-ly! Hmmmph…

Ok, I shall conclude my letter of complaint here. Til your son checks his mail, and print you this letter, selamat hari raya!

Me. 1.30noon. HMMPH!!! (and I bet tis the first time anyone komplens ler?! With a formal letter thim!)

Received a creatively penned & filed formal complaint yesterday ~ on one of my most unique personal traits: laid-backness, especially when it comes to replying sms-es & interpreting them properly (mistake prone-speed reading). Want to highlight the matter to the supreme council summore (mom)!

Wah lao eh! Literally laughed my head off til terguling-guling atas lantai when i saw it! Hahaha.. =p
Seems like i got a new resolution or 2 to add to the now defunct My 2007 Resolution List:

#1001 I will try my best to decipher ppl's SMS properly & reply before they can count 1, 2, to 10

*Subjective to: #1001 - subject to my count pace.... my pace very the slow one... =p

Dilbert Awards for outstanding Management (fwded)

A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers. These were voted the top ten quotes in corporate America :

"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards.
Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.."
(This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA)

"What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter."
(Lykes Lines Shipping)

"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business."
(Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

"This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it."
(Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."
(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

=) ??? Award winning quotes for outstanding management that shapes today's corporate working culture... So oh-haven't-i-heard-of-that-somewhere-before? sounding; yes you have, coz real life Dilbert-type managers are abundant in offices around the world. You're highly probable to be working for one..